Reno is God (19)

[jaded_grin]

This was an amusing little piece of fun that I couldn't resist writing--I may even add to it as needed, it certainly won't leave me alone, and the world is far too short of threesomes anyways.
Title: Reno Is God
Rating: M (Now it's just an excuse for smuttiness)
Description: Freshly returned from the Lifestream, Kadaj enjoys a sucker compliments of Tifa and informs Cloud that he has found God
Disclaimer: I don't own shite, if you want to sue me, sue for my SIMS games--they're the only things I have that are worth anything.

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1                   18                   20

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19

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            Pedaling happily down the street on his brand new, wonderful, gorgeous bicycle, Kadaj waved at various strangers and preened over their attention, proud of his amazing gift and feeling like everyone should be looking. Reno had been rather against the idea of him riding down to Seventh Heaven, but when the two men had finished their run (Reno panting, Yazoo a gasping, miserable mess) Kadaj hadn’t felt like coming home. He’d managed to wrangle permission out of god, but not without Reno telling him with a smirk, “Try to get Tifa to come back with you, yo. I wanna try out her tits.”

            Kadaj had wrinkled his dainty nose and Yazoo had looked crestfallen, but he hadn’t been entirely sure that Reno was being serious, so he’d just nodded and ridden away, forgetting the whole thing within seconds.

            When he reached the bar he hopped off of his bike and walked it inside, hollering loudly for his favorite Tifa ever.

            “Hey, Kadaj! What’ve you got, there?” Tifa asked, coming out of the bar’s cooler. “Wow, what a nice bike!”

            “I know!” Kadaj squealed, giving it a proud look. “I prayed and prayed to Reno for it and he gave it to me this morning!”

            “Wow! Nice!” Tifa said, happy for him. She came closer and inspected his bike, nodding her appreciation. “It’s really beautiful, Kadaj. Congratulations!”          

            “Thank you!” Kadaj preened, lovingly stroking the handlebars.

            “Here, lean it against the bar and have a seat,” Tifa suggested, moving behind the bar to get him some lemonade. “You’re all flushed—hot out there, huh?”

            “Yes!” Kadaj breathed, dramatically slumping against the bar. “Yazoo and Reno went for a run and I followed them on my bike, but I came here when they went home.”

            “Well, I’m glad you dropped by. I thought you didn’t like it here…because of Cloud,” Tifa said.

            “I wanted to see you,” Kadaj chirruped, gulping his lemonade. He really liked Tifa—she’d always been so nice to him, and so loving.

            “Aw, that’s sweet,” she said, genuinely touched. She got herself a glass and sat next to him, asking, “So, what’s new?”

            “Oh, tons of things!” Kadaj told her, getting excited again. “Tifa, Reno really is god! Really!”

            “Really?” she echoed, smiling at his excitement.

            “Yes!” Kadaj insisted, nodding with amusing solemnity. He lowered his voice to a whisper, shot a furtive look around, and said, “I worshipped.”

            “You did?” Tifa whispered, leaning close, her dark eyes dancing with merriment.

            “Yes, and it was fantastic!” Kadaj told her, squealing a little. “Wow, Tifa! I can’t even explain! And I got to sleep in god’s magic bed but then Yazoo came home and almost cut my hair but Reno told him no and then he locked himself in the bathroom—”

            “Reno?”

            “—no, Yazoo,” Kadaj corrected, taking the opportunity to snatch a breath. “So then Reno went around to the other bathroom door but it was locked, too, and he yelled that he was going to break it down—”

            “Did he?”

            “—Yes!” Kadaj said, eyes wide with remembered drama. “A man is going to come fix it on Monday but while Reno was beating in the door Yazoo came out and they fought and then Reno left and then Yazoo left—”

            “And where were you during all of this?” Tifa asked, snacking on some jarred cherries she kept behind the bar.

            “On the bed,” Kadaj answered. “Crying. But Reno always says he’ll never let Yazoo go and it makes my toes curl when he says stuff like that and I wish he’d say things like that about me and so he went out and brought Yazoo back because he’s god and he knew just where he went and they made up and now everything is wonderful!”

            Tifa laughed at his recitation, fondly watching him catch his breath.

            “He’s really good to you guys, isn’t he?” she murmured.

            Kadaj nodded, grinning, and sighed, “He says we’re his babies and that he loves us more than anything ever…he’s really good to us, Tifa!”

            She gave his hand a squeeze and said, “Good! I’m glad. It’s nice to see people be good to one another…”

            Her pretty, round face fell into troubled repose and Kadaj offered, “I like you, Tifa. Reno does, too!”

            She smiled at him, shaking off that strange sadness, and said, “Thanks, Kadaj. I like you, too. Now, what else has been going on?”

            Kadaj immediately plunged into a gripping, breathless, and pause-free recounting of his life to date since the last time he’d been at Seventh Heaven while Tifa listened with interest and patience. It was one of the many things Kadaj adored about her—she treated him like a grown-up.

            “Wow, sounds like you had a busy week,” she remarked, getting up to refill their glasses.

            “I did!” Kadaj sighed, but he was still grinning. “I’m still not sure about this school thing, but Reno wants me to try, so I will.”

            “You’ll like school, Kadaj,” Tifa assured him. “Especially at one as nice as that one.”

            “Tifa?” Kadaj suddenly said, brows drawn. “Please don’t tell niisan that I worshipped Reno. He’d be all mad and I don’t want that.”

            “Your secret is safe with me,” Tifa told him. “As long as you’re happy.”

            “Very,” Kadaj told her. “I wouldn’t want anything to change, Tifa! And it’s neat living with god—”       

            “He isn’t god!”

            Kadaj and Tifa both jumped at the harsh bark of Cloud’s voice as he came striding in from outside.

            Kadaj gave him the calm, implacable look of one utterly convinced of their own position and stuck his nose in the air like Yazoo always did.

            “I’m not speaking to a grumpy-pants, Cloud,” he told him, and took a haughty sip of his lemonade.

            Tifa laughed softly and ruffled his hair, saying, “That’s Cloud for you!”

            As if to confirm that he was, indeed, a grumpy-pants, Cloud scowled at them both and came up to the bar to give Kadaj a suspicious look.

            “What are those marks on your neck?” he demanded to know.

            Kadaj had no idea that there was anything on his neck except for marvelously gorgeous skin. Eyes rounding in horror, he skimmed his fingers over his throat and asked, “Marks? What marks? Oh no! Are they ugly?”

            “They look like hickeys!” Cloud snapped, pushing his little brother’s hand down to peer at his neck.

            “Oh, for heaven’s sake, Cloud,” Tifa said, rolling her eyes. Her patience, so seemingly limitless, had worn thin where Cloud was concerned. “You know that he and Yazoo always pinch the living daylights out of each other!”

            It wasn’t an outright lie and Kadaj said nothing to support it, but Cloud dropped the issue and Kadaj said a silent prayer of thanks for Tifa and her bottom-rescuing distractions. The boy’s prayer made him think of god, which led to remembering Reno’s sharp teeth and wet mouth on one side of his slender neck, Yazoo’s own on the other. He shuddered at the memory. Last night had been awesome…

            “Why do you look so happy all of a sudden?”

            Kadaj gave Cloud a bashful smile and weakly said, “It’s just good to see you, niisan.”

            Cloud gave him another serious, humorless frown and said nothing.

            From the moment of their return Cloud had furiously and adamantly denied his relationship with the three boys, doing everything in his power to limit his exposure to any of them. Kadaj, the impetuous baby, had done his best to make up to Cloud and win him over. His niisan, who flatly refused to take any responsibility for the trio, had crumbled into an odd mixture of distaste and overprotective zeal. When he wasn’t snobbishly reminding Kadaj that he wanted nothing to do with him, he was single-mindedly lecturing the boy on safety and caution with a tenacity that rivaled a bull-dog’s.

            It drove Kadaj bananas.

            “Don’t scowl, Cloud,” the boy scolded, changing the subject. “It gives you funny wrinkles between your eyes.”

            Tifa giggled and got Cloud a cup of lemonade.

            “Kadaj, you really need to get this idea out of your head,” Cloud told him, deigning to sit next to him. He sat stiffly, uncomfortable to be near his little brother. “Reno is many things—a murderous, heartless monster, maybe, but no god.”

            “What an awful thing to say!” Kadaj cried, horrified. “You tell me, then, Cloud! How is Reno not god?”

            “Well…for one thing, he’s not immortal,” Cloud said, with the air of one imparting great wisdom.

            “Really? How old is he then?” Kadaj asked, brows raised.

            Cloud began to answer and then paused, frowning a little because he’d never really known how old Reno was.

            “Well, he isn’t much older than me,” he finally said.

            “Alright,” Kadaj conceded, nodding a little. “Then when was he born?”

            Cloud scowled at him.

            “Kadaj, Reno isn’t god!” he said again, more emphatically as he was getting frustrated. “Fine! Does he make miracles?”

            “Cloud,” Kadaj said, his tone severe. “Everyone knows that there’s no such thing as miracles. Honestly!”

            That earned him a skeptical look, considering that a miracle had brought Kadaj and his brothers back from death…but it was futile to point that out. Cloud knew how stubborn Kadaj could be.

            “Kadaj,” Cloud said, trying his best to be patient. “God is…god is a supreme being who loves everyone—not just pretty people! God takes care of people and answers their prayers! He isn’t an oversexed drunk who kills people for a living—how can I make it more clear to you? Reno isn’t god!”

            Kadaj frowned thoughtfully. A supreme being who loves everyone? Well…Reno was sort of known for his sizeable indulgence in sex, and he always said that beauty was in the eye of the beholder—explaining why he’d sleep with pretty much anyone who wanted to. Yeah, he liked pretty people more, but that didn’t stop him from wooing and seducing even icky people, or flirting with people who had probably given up hope of ever being loved. He answered Kadaj’s prayers, he took care of him and his brothers…

            Eventually, he slowly said, “Cloud, Reno does love everyone, he just likes pretty people a little more. And he takes care of me, Yazoo, and Loz! And as far as answering prayers…well, every time Yazoo prays for a kiss or to go worship, Reno grants it…So, you’re right! God is a supreme being! He’s the best being in the world!”

            Cloud dropped his head into his hand, exasperated to realize that there really was no talking Kadaj out of his notion.

            “And Reno even loves you,” Kadaj generously added. “Buuuuuut, he did say that if I could bring Tifa back, it would be appreciated.”

            One of Tifa’s elegantly arched brows rose, her expression curious.

            Cloud scowled at her and snapped, “Absolutely not!”

            “Oh, don’t be so paranoid, Cloud,” she laughed. “I have no intentions of taking him up on it.”

            But she winked at Kadaj when Cloud looked away, and the boy dimpled up in a smile, deliriously happy to be included.

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Comments

[ldyavalon.livejournal.com]

Poor Cloudy-kun. He's all grumpy coz he isn't getting any :P

I'm so glad there is more of this here ^^

[jaded-grin.livejournal.com]

Hahah! For real, he is! Yeah, I'm trying to catch my LJ up :D So you'll be seeing a lot more of it going on in the future, just to warn you! *snugs you more just because*

[morphedreality.livejournal.com]

I've read this chapter before, but it never does fail to crack me up.

[jaded-grin.livejournal.com]

Thanks! LOL! I do so love the Princess!

[natila.livejournal.com]

oh, you put one more chapter here ! :D Of course, I read it before but it cracks me up every time, you know what ? the first time Kadaj mentionned he wanted a bike, I thought of a motorbike of course. And I realised something was wrong when you mentionned he was "pedaling" alongside Reno and Yaz.. ROTF ! :D

[jaded-grin.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm trying to catch my LJ up. Haha, and Kadaj DID want a motorcycle, but since Reno knows he's a Kadaster around mechanical things, he decided on a bike instead :D But haha! That's a funny way to realize!